Where my long-winded ramblings now go to get away.

After a great deal of serious consideration and introspection (read as: talking while in varying states of intoxication), I’ve done it. Thrown my hat in the figurative ring. Thrown salt over my shoulder. Thrown caution to the wind. Thrown.. something else… somewhere… At any rate, rest soundly assured that things have been thrown. Large things. Everywhere. And damned if I’m going to be the one to pick them up. That’s right; I’ve decided to join the literary elite, that upper echelon composed of such literary titans as that kid in the corner at Starbucks, a veritable smorgasbord of asshats, and more than one someone’s saintly old grandmother, among others. I am now officially… a bloggerrahh… person given to writing and posting assortments of words to the internet on a page other than the Valentino website. And as such, there are certain promises that I make to you, my currently hypothetical (vast, impassioned) reading audience.

    • Never will I post a long-winded dissertation regarding the contents of my stomach (i.e. “Dear internets, today I ate a truly awesome sandwich”). Furthermore, should I proceed to do so, immediately arrange a meeting between the business end of your fist and my face. Wait… instead of ‘face,’ how about ‘arm?’ …or ‘inbox?’ …or ‘bassist?’ In fact… you know what? Just shake your head in disdain. I’ll feel it.
    • If I’m out somewhere, and I see you, and you’re leaning back in your chair, I’ll do my best not to kick it out from under you. I’m not saying I definitely won’t make you flail around spastically before falling flat on your back while I giggle maniacally, but I will make an effort. And I think that’s notable. Quite notable.
    • If it’s Christmas, and you ask me for something specific, and it’s within my means to get it for you, I won’t go out and get you something else instead. On the flipside, if you ignore what I ask for and get me something else instead, no matter how irked I may be, I most likely won’t physically assault you. That’s just mean.
    • If you organize something silly, like an Annual No Pants Day, I’ll smile, and perhaps nod a little bit when I read about it. I’d participate, but the results of removing my pants are not for everyone.
    • I won’t (often) decide to resort to using a list-based posting format,  realize I only have one ‘real’ bullet point, and proceed to gloss over the rest with a thin coat of randomness.

      There you have it. No posts of the ‘awesome sandwich’ variety. All that being said, enjoy. I’m going to resume my oft-neglected posting duties at the Valentino website once again, so feel free to check it out religiously, then come right back here.


      ~ by tazehim on January 12, 2009.

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