More observations from the road? Really?

Yep.

Maybe next time, I’ll regale you with tales from Valentino road trips. For now, though, more shit what I done seen whilst commuting.*

While driving through downtown Dallas recently, I got behind a cop who was driving like nothing particularly special was going on; he was doing the speed limit, stopping at lights, et cetera. However, he either…

  1. didn’t realize his flashing lights were on, and was oblivious to the fact that he was pulling a Moses**, as everyone in front him went out of their collective way to get the hell out of his. Or, he…
  2. did realize his lights were on, and was having a bit of fun with the general public on his leisurely drive.
Not unlike this, but substantially less impressive... and confusing to fish (who, let's face it, had to be losing their shit).

Not unlike this, but substantially less impressive... and confusing to fish (who, let's face it, had to be losing their shit).

I’m not sure which amuses me more; that someone whose job description includes having keen powers of observation didn’t think it noteworthy that everyone in front of him was abruptly pulling over to the side of the road to let him pass, or that someone who is required to carry an assortment of various weapons was indulging his sense of humor by making every driver in front of him the butt of his private joke. Now that I think about it, the implications of either are a bit frightening, but whatever. I got a kick out of it at the time.

Here’s something I’ve always noticed that seems to be getting more and more popular; shitty cars with expensive, gaudy rims. Granted, I’m not really a “rim aficionado,” (which strikes me as being vaguely dirty sounding), so these could mostly be cheap knock-offs purchased for ironic value. In which case, kudos. Well played. If not, then I’d humbly suggest that the hundreds of dollars per wheel could be better spent on, say… a paint color other than “primer” or “Bondo.”

No, no, I think it's great when old model sedans try to look like Tonka Trucks.***

No, no, I think it's amazing when old model sedans try to look like Tonka Trucks.***

This actually leads directly into another thing you can’t help but notice; very standard, otherwise nondescript cars with outlandish customizations. Instead of saving up for spinners and a giant wing for your ’93 Festiva, maybe just go get another used car that’s a bit nicer? To each their own, I suppose, and it’s entirely possible that it’s just a work in progress, but it’s odd to see a beat up eighties-model Nova with a lift kit, huge rims, low profile tires and front and rear spoilers, with what appeared to be final stage terminal rust.*** Just saying.

There are some local businesses that pay people a small monthly amount to place magnetic advertisement signs on their cars. Some custom car shops have show cars that are completely over the top, and blatantly advertise their services. Now, this becomes hilarious to me when you make a half-assed combination of the two, and have a completely standard, run-of-the-mill sedan with a plain, black-text-on-white-background, small magnetic stick-on ad for a custom auto detailing paint and body shop. Now, I’ll grant that it got my attention, so the argument could be made that it worked on some level. However, I was too busy cocking an eyebrow and chuckling to take note of the phone number or name of the shop, and even if I had remembered, it’s not the mental association I’d want to have with that sort of business. “Oh yeah, I remember them, they… stuck a classified ad on the side of a ’96 Skylark.”

Really, though, if your bread and butter is customizing cars, shouldn’t a car that advertises your service be… custom? At least a tiny bit? Why not get a billboard for your sports bar with a picture of tofu and a yoga class? A full page ad for a seafood restaurant with a picture of egg rolls in the background?

OK… so, those examples don’t really apply; I’m just hungry. It’s more like making a short film with no special effects to advertise your special effects company. There.

This came up when I googled "seafood egg roll." On an unrelated topic, I'm no longer hungry.

This came up when I googled "seafood egg roll." On an unrelated topic, I'm no longer hungry.

Last week I saw a Lexus sedan with a vanity plate; “PIRACY.” I’m curious; is the driver against piracy, and just hasn’t gotten around to buying a bumper sticker that says “STOP” to go above the license plate? Was their money made through illicit activities, and the vanity plate a symbolic slap in the face of law enforcement officials who are unable to connect them to any crimes? I sped up to get around them, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of a three-corner hat or at least an eye patch, but no such luck. Still, a man can dream…

"Yahoy, this be me luxury sedan. The seats, they be heated, with cup holders aplenty."

"Yahoy, this be me luxury sedan. The seats, they be heated, with cup holders aplenty."*****

*How’s that for pretension?! 😀

Oh, lord. I just “e-moticoned.” On my “blog.”

Welp, there goes my street cred.

**You remember; that guy known for, among other things, parting the red sea. Look it up.

***Yes, I actually saw this on the road. I almost redecorated my dashboard with a mouthful of coffee.

****Like this. Nothing says gangsta like something made by Hasbro.

*****Also considered for the second sentence: “She hauls more booty than any other mid-size sedan in her class,” and “The crash test rating be five starrr.”

Advertisements

~ by tazehim on April 15, 2009.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: