Fun With Google Docs (or:Further Reasons to Keep My Day Job)

For all my previous assurances that “new content” was on the agenda, I managed to eventually get distracted enough to lose interest in providing any of such. It may have something to do with my revised stance on participating in “gorilla wrasslin‘,” which was, as I’d predicted, a horrible idea. At any rate, my wounds have healed, and my wife and I started a cooking blahg, of all things (which absolutely blows my “No Awesome Sandwich Posts” edict the hell out of the water, I suppose). Since a site that deals predominantly with the preparation of food isn’t exactly the best venue for my… particular brand of ‘humor,’ I’m getting the itch to resume posting here again.

So, to kick things off, I was scrounging through my ‘drafts’ section of unpolished posts, and found this little gem from several months ago. Enjoy, and keep in mind that this is what happens to your brain at office jobs with a high degree of downtime.

———–

As some of you out there may be aware, Google Documents is a website that allows you to store documents online and collaborate on them with others. This is a valuable asset for business professionals to share facts and presentations with co-workers and clients.

Recently, the Google Docs team added the ability to collaborate on drawings.

Of course, upon discovering this brilliant new feature, I immediately sketched out a large set of crudely-drawn male genitalia, placed an arrow pointing to it with text labeling it “YOU,” and immediately sent it to a friend. Because I’m a highly-evolved, well-adapted and mature individual, and as best I understand it, this is the intended use of the internet.

This first ill-advised phallic transmission began a series of collaborative renditions of various scenes of stupidity and nonsense. Some of which I am now sharing with you.

Here’s an early ‘creation:’ it’s pretty crude, due to the quality of tools available, the jittery unresponsiveness of my mouse, and the fact that I just straight didn’t give a flying sideways damn about how it looked.

All great art should have such explanatory titles, don't you think?

"Suppressing Rage While On Hold With Time Warner"

Fairly self-explanatory. Someone has managed to install an eye hook on a space shuttle, then tied a very long rope between this hook and the leg of some unsuspecting rube (who slightly resembles a chicken), which will probably result in the violent removal of a leg, at least. This is amusing to some random onlookers, including the president, who is so delighted by this use of the space program that he’s decided to pre-approve whatever 2011 budget proposal NASA submits. A bystander with the head of a Yak is thrilled to have found a long stretch of free rope, which may or may not lead to further disaster.

Ain't no party like a Google Docs party...

"Party Don't Stop"

Here’s a screencap that my friend cleverly modified. By circling the error message “An event may not last for more than four months,” and adding a line from a classic rap song, he has made what we refer to as “a funny.”

Next, I composed a humorous take on the quite serious financial situation in Greece which is currently affecting the global economy.

Then it was accidentally erased by my friend, who drew an explanation of how this came to pass. I scrawled the words ‘YOU BROKE IT!’ at the top, rearranged the existing elements in the picture, and contributed the smaller stick figure in the lower right.

Nothing is 'sassier' than indecent exposure in the workplace.

"U Broke It"

As you can see, my friend expresses his concern that he is unable to add his special blend of humor to the mix, and is perplexed as to how he managed to erase the file. An ill-proportioned person who looks to have tank treads in the place of legs, is concerned that my friend was viewing pornography, while another individual indicates that while it may not have been pornographic in nature, the image he saw did manage to cause arousal. This arousal is indicated by his gesturing to engorged sex organ, which is impressive, since he appears to be deprived of oxygen, based on his particular shade of blue.

If you've *ever* used the term 'bloviating,' assume this is about you.

"Who Might That Be?"

In this next piece, I abandoned the freehand tool, so as to achieve less of a ‘newly-recovering crack addict’ style of line drawing, and took the opportunity to poke a little good-natured fun at a hypothetical someone who takes himself just a bit too seriously on occasion.

I'm certainly no Randall Munroe.

Global Economics, Redux

Here, I decided to recreate the ‘accidentally-destroyed’ bit about the Greek economic situation. It’s actually a scathing commentary on the mass proliferation of weaponized bears in the North of Tuscany and the resulting effect on the Sri Lankan tapestry trade, which I think should be fairly apparent to even the most casual viewer.

My friend’s reaction to the last image was such that he had to leave the room temporarily, prompting him to respond with this:

What IS with that guy's hand? Is he going to be ok? *Oops: am I supposed to ignore it?

"Leave"

This is, for those of you who don’t already know, how babies are made.

And finally, we have art by my friend, which is a graphic depiction of an old stand-up routine regarding the perils of farming, I think. Or something like that. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, so I added the two bits of bold text in parenthesis as explanation.

Seriously, I have nothing further to contribute to this, and I don't care if you laugh or not, this cracks me the hell up. There may be something wrong with me.

"Friends See You"

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~ by tazehim on August 20, 2010.

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